When the encroaching moment was upon me, and the mundane mediocrities of simply being had driven me to paralysis, like the over-analysis of a situation that a pessimist insists take place – preventing any action at all, I embraced the irradiate boon of darkness. In the abyss, I found such an escape from the monotonous perplexity of life and floated through ancient systems* | Systems* referring specifically to that pertaining to the stars and their gravitational contexts. Literally meaning that the author floated amongst the stars in the context of space | and unfathomable nebulae.
Places where all light was null and void, I heard the universe speaking and listened perpetually and marvelously to the dimensional silence.
Places where the furious storms raged, I surfed on a cloud down a relentless down pour under the atmosphere until I reached the surface of another world of iridescent twilight, a myriad of arbors, and uncalming waters.
And one place I walked on the surface of a star that took me across changing terranes and molten groves and canyons, thus leading to the ultimate death, which was the massive collapse and pull of space and time, a colossal drain in the very fabric of the universe, whose face had been pierced by a little prick of nothingness.
A plethora of instances did I walk through the endlessness of space that led to unwitnessable gaps and immaterial, and more and more would I fade into the ether half-matter where potential energy writhed and blended together and the colorless non-state of vacuum stretched unnoticeably from nothing to something and then back to nothing, sometimes engulfing the matter-made manifestations of reality therein.
Soon, when the dreams that constructed these foreshadows and glimpses into infinity began to slip into the waking consciousness, I would often float into the opiate lull of peace through the vastness and the pin-prickle stars, and question how I might float among them forever so that I need not look back on the uninspiring struggle of worldly perceptions and pursuits of happiness. And as I thought to the blackness that encased all, I felt that beyond it lay a surreal-like vista from which, once entered, there would be no return.
So each night in sleep, I peregrinated to find the hidden secrets of the planets floating among the void, though they were seemingly binded by nothing. And I would tell myself that the dimensions beyond perception were not more expansive merely, but more desirable and free as well.
Then one night in the open cluster Orion Nebula, I met with intelligences filled with understanding of our own; gifted with the insight and knowledge of a time before us, and who were too “learned” to ever co-exist with material matter. Therein, I learned many things concerning the phenomena of existence, and among them were the secrets of ascension into the freedom of celestial habitation and transcended state of being, unconcerned with the mere blink of humanity, and a infiniteness that existed as the majority and great architecture and intelligence of the universe. I knew that it verged on the realms that I had haunted and therefore I listened much of the intelligences.
Some of the higher intellects ‘spoke’ as if conventionally, to my psyche, of the marvels amongst the innumerable stars, but others more ‘informed’ not using anything that I can associate with linguistics or proper communication, of horrors and disappointments. The decision on which was most likely to be true was one of great difficulty, yet I longed more and more to drift eternally into the void; for anxiety and mystery are the enticements of entice, and no new disappointment could be more horrific than the mediocrity of sensation and human experience. So when I learned of the resolution that would open the black hole that could suck me in forever, I decided to open the maelstrom of passing as soon as I awoke.
My last waking memory is of me hanging from the ceiling, noose around my throat, and reveling as the darkness enshrouded around me and the whispers of the universe grew louder. The stars radiance pierced through the material room and became abysmally close, though infinitely far, like the range of eye to foot – never being able to touch but connected in body – and the universe became but a thought away. A black collapse in the fabric of this world opened up and invited me in, as if welcoming me to the unknown, and the weird glow of aeons lit iridescently, emitting spectrums never before seen as I was further stretched and consumed.
But as I moved deeper in and the magic of death and dream pulled me still, I knew that all the sights and glory were at an end; for in the new state of being, there was neither sensation or emotion, but only the black vacuum of uninhabited and illimitable space. So, purged of all emotion and in perpetual bliss, I dissolved again into that immaterial infinity of absent eternity, from which the demon of Life had beckoned me for one mili-blink of an eye.