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Okay, yes, I get it – this is a rather mundane topic; but you don’t understand.  I just replaced my shower-head and the experience has become ethereal.  Before?  I was a boy getting wet under a monotonous stream and then stepping out onto a slick floor.

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But now, the world is new again.  I went to work happy.  Productivity is up at least like 37%.  Heck, it even inspired me to use my blog, which I’ve neglected lately.  I know it sounds like I’m trying to sell you the shower–head, but honestly I don’t even know the brand cause I already threw the package away and I don’t feel like getting up to go look at a shower-head.

So know that my intentions are good.

Really, I’m just sharing the experience of – what I imagine – showers in heaven will be like.

To do that I sort of need to describe the shower to you too, so hang with me.  First of all, it’s a two head system.  People underestimate how good it feels to have options.  Say what?  I get to make decisions and feel in charge while getting clean?  I feel important.  I feel powerful.  In the shower, I’m the CEO.  The great decider.  God.

Let me tell you about the rain.  

One of the heads is like a giant fountain plate that sprinkles droplets delicately onto the skin.  There’s the option of having the shower spray at your face, or!  Or… You can have it hang overhead and drizzle down upon you, giving that feeling of freedom that Natalie Portman had in V for Vendetta after homeboy shaved her head.

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This giant shower head is awesome because I literally stood in my shower for so long that Pandora stopped playing music to ask if I was still listening.  Which obviously means the hot water ran out a long time ago, but when it feels like rainfall you kind of just don’t care about the cold.  It didn’t bother Elsa and it doesn’t bother me.

By now, anyone reading this is probably thinking, “this guy is serious about his showers.  The heck?”  And yes.  Oh so serious.  I dedicated some serious time and coin to picking out this new shower set-up.

Moving on to the main event, though, is the head that’s connected to the hose.  Now obviously there’s a holster for it where one would normally place their shower-head.  But you can also take it down to spray your cracks and crevices.

But let me tell you about the mechanics.  There’s a switch that let’s you choose what kind of experience you want.  Option 1 is like a laser stream, that’s actually kind of painful.  Like I think they added that incase you want to power wash a parking lot or something.  Option 2 is your standard shower spray, like what everyone probably gets.  Now, Option 3 is where it gets real.  I don’t even know what’s happening, but it’s like a gyrating propulsion system in the center, with a constant outer ring of water that is pressured at perfection.

Seriously, it’s like a deep tissue massage from a really buff dude, who likes to go home to his wife and be the little spoon.  Sorry, wife or husband (LGBT plug for friends on the other side.)

Option 4 just cranks the speed of Option 3, sort of like that chopping massage that probably doesn’t do anything.

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But it’s such an epic display that sometimes I just step to the back of the shower and turn around to watch the water fall.  It’s absolutely beautiful.

And Option 5 is a really thoughtful addition, actually.  It literally just shuts the whole shower off.  In case you want to just stand in your shower and not get wet, but still hear the sound of running water.

Okay, sorry.  I know I nerded out a bit over this shower.

But really.  Shower’s are sacred ground.  They should be epic.

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