So here’s the thing: It’s a new year, which means a whole bunch!
Oh yes, it’s out with the old and in with the new; so we’ve made our new years resolutions and now we have to start considering when this salad will start tasting like ‘god dammit I’m going back to McDonalds’ and when the gym stops being safe place for those who had the brief motivation to get their body on swole.
Anyway, personally I’m at a pivot in my life that requires me to throw out the rundown and go in dry. (Not a sexual pun) I recently graduated from college, which means that the real world is waiting and now I have to figure out how to be an effective adult; start making plans for this thing people call the food chore (?) … My mom just informed me it’s called the future; I need to find a job that doesn’t make me want to commit suicide, or just suck it up and be miserable like the rest of the world and dream about suicide internally in my spare time.
You ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like a month in the hospital?
So basically, this is like the answer – based off of a culmination of research (I’m using the term research real loose here) and ardent planning – to the question that I keep getting asked, “Now what?”
Firstly, in order to brave the real world as a male there are apparently 31 Things Every Man Should Own. Seriously. I couldn’t believe it either, but I’m new to this whole adult thing so I’m trying to get on the fast track to growing up quickly so I ladled it up like soup, friends. It’s click bait so I’ll just sum it up for you guys;
Some of the stuff seemed practical, as I thought to myself, “Yeah I guess I do need a money clip and a card holder – cause I guess it’s unmanly to have the catch-all wallet. Work gloves, jumper cables, air pumps, and WD-40 were also pretty pragmatic because you don’t need em’ till ya need em.’
I felt manly saying that.
But then there’s a spiral into I don’t know what the fuck. It kind of starts at needing a Carpenter’s Level because, and I quote, “with a small one you can level a picture. With this one you can level a deck.” And I imagine with this line of thinking, it only made sense that I should also go out and purchase an ax, because “I need something to make firewood out of that tree that fell across my driveway” and a chainsaw because I need something to prepare the tree for the aforementioned ax.
A few items felt nonsensical. Like every man should have $1000 hidden in their house and a wool blanket that is never removed from the trunk of the car. Then there’s the grease; the list didn’t even tell me what I’ll use it for, but apparently it can’t be silicone based and needs to smell like God’s garage. Which, I mean, sure?
I’ll also need a weekend shoulder bag. No idea why, but like I said, I’m new to being a through-and-through adult.
When I’m done maxing out my credit cards buying the starter kit to being a god damn lumber jack, I imagine I’ll find a job to pay off my accumulated debt.
But in the mean time, I also need to keep myself sharp.
At least I already have a blog, which is one of the things I want to be more active on now that I don’t have college to make me scream and fill my thoughts with an abysmal torment.
And by no means am I suggesting that this is a good way to be an adult. Cause I don’t want to be responsible for leading anyone into the cesspool of failure should my technique prove disastrous, which my track record definitely denotes.
One time in my yesteryears, it was the Fourth of July and some friends and I were shooting off fireworks. We started going a little rogue with the mortar shells and somehow one got loaded, lit, and promptly kicked over before launch. If you know about mortar shells, if one falls over … you don’t stop to try and pick it up. We all dropped to the ground like we were storming Normandy.
There was the pop of it going off and then we watched as it blew through one of the neighbors window and basically bombed his living room. Fortunately, the family was in the street with us lest they find themselves unexpectedly shelled like their living room was the frontline of a neighborhood world war.
The damage while, albeit, bad wasn’t that bad. Plus I’m sure there are worse firework decisions that have been made.
Point being, don’t trust my wisdom.
Back to regular scheduled programming: I also want to start vlogging (video blogging) my life ventures (triumphs and defeats) as I learn to adult. Though, I want to spend at least the next two months getting a style going before I just jump in front of a camera for the two views I probably won’t even get.
I really need to learn how to cook because chicken nuggets probably can’t sustain a person for more than 30 years without some unearthing repercussions.
Knowing me, a gym membership would be like buying a subscription to the AARP magazine. But perhaps a rowing machine would be cool to have, because Kevin Spacey’s character in House of Cards uses one and it seems chill.
Any who, I’m going to wrap this post up because I think I’m rambling now. But pretty much, this Now What? discussion is on going because it’s time for me to metaphorically get out of the bed. Both physically and emotionally.
Happy New Year!